Throw Mama from the Train? Good Movie, Poor Planning

Estate planning doesn’t have to feel like a dark comedy, but sometimes, when families avoid hard conversations, it turns into one.

In Throw Mama from the Train¹, relationships are strained, motives are murky, and no one is on the same page.

In real life, the consequences of poor planning aren’t just awkward, they’re painful, costly, and often irreversible. Families fall apart, legacies disappear, and well-meaning intentions get lost in the confusion.

That’s why these difficult conversations matter. The following are a few emotionally charged, but critically important topics to address when planning your estate. They aren’t always easy, but they’re key to ensuring your wishes are honored, and your loved ones are protected.

Unequal Inheritances

Dividing your estate unevenly among children or family members can create tension or conflict. Be honest about your reasons, whether it be need, responsibility or relationship dynamics.

Naming Guardians

Choosing someone to care for your children if you're gone is a deeply emotional decision.

Focus on shared values, not just location or convenience. Talk to potential guardians ahead of time to ensure willingness and ability.

Executors

Choosing one child or person over another, like executor or power of attorney, can feel like playing favorites. It’s not about favoritism; it’s about choosing the person best suited for the responsibility.

Be clear about your reasons and communicate them to your family. Transparency helps prevent misunderstandings and preserves trust.

Blended Families

Balancing the interests of biological and stepchildren can be complex. Clearly define your intentions, and have open, honest discussions with your spouse and children.

Long-Term Care

No one likes to think about aging, illness, or losing independence. It’s important to share your care preferences in writing through tools like a living will and a health care proxy. Check out Apella’s past article, Estate Planning is for the Living by Mark Prendergast discussing these tools.

Talking With Heirs

Discussing inheritance can trigger resentment. Share your intentions to avoid surprises and emphasize that your choices reflect your desire for harmony.

Protecting a Spouse from Impoverishment Due to Health Care Costs.

Health care expenses, especially long-term care, can quickly deplete a couple’s savings, potentially leaving the healthy spouse financially vulnerable. Since Medicare typically doesn’t cover long-term care, monthly costs can reach thousands of dollars. Without proper planning, one spouse’s extended care needs could deplete joint assets.

Consider strategies such as Medicaid planning, long-term care insurance, and other financial tools to help preserve assets and protect the well-being of the surviving or well spouse.

It’s Not Always About Money

The heart of estate planning isn’t always about preserving wealth, it’s about preserving relationships, values, and peace of mind.

You might ask an heir to consider a prenuptial agreement not because you anticipate conflict, but because you want to prevent it. Estate planning is about setting clear expectations, minimizing the risk of future disputes, and protecting heirs from emotional and financial turmoil. For many families, it’s not just about money. It’s about creating clarity, fostering fairness, and ensuring peace for the next generation.

The Conversations May Be Hard, but the Outcomes Are Worth It

Thoughtful estate planning isn’t just a financial exercise, it’s an act of clarity, and responsibility. By facing these difficult conversations head-on, you reduce uncertainty, prevent conflict, and protect the people and values that matter most. When families plan well, they grieve with less confusion, manage transitions with less stress, and remember you with deeper gratitude.

In the end, good planning isn’t about control, it’s about caring. And it leads to better outcomes for everyone involved.

Sources:

1. Throw Mama from the Train. Directed by John Cassavetes, Jersey Films 1987

Disclosures:

Apella Capital, LLC (“Apella”), DBA Apella Wealth is an investment advisory firm registered with the Securities and Exchange Commission. The firm only transacts business in states where it is properly registered or excluded or exempt from registration requirements. Registration with the SEC or any state securities authority does not imply a certain level of skill or training. Please note the material is provided for educational and background use only. Moreover, you should not assume that any discussion or information contained in this material serves as the receipt of, or as a substitute for, personalized investment advice.

No current or future client should assume that any discussion or information contained in this material serves as the receipt of, or as a substitute for, personalized investment advice. As with any investment strategy, there is the possibility of profitability as well as loss.

Apella Wealth does not provide tax or legal advice and nothing either stated or implied here should be inferred as providing such advice.